Flood Control

Sunday, November 06, 2005

On Love

Love is a curious thing. I expect it's different for each person - for one person it blooms in five minutes, and fades just as quickly, for another it builds over a series of conversations as a person grows on you, or perhaps it blossoms up at first sight and stays strong.

As with most things to do with relationships, I expect it's a personal thing, highly dependent on the people involved and how everything plays out. One could start with lust and then find a deeper connection, for instance. I don't think how it ends is the same as how it begins, either, for much the same reasons.

They say that you can't properly write about love without having been in it. For such a universal concept, it's so personal, so when I write about how I smile whenever I think of Michelle, or how I defended everything I did that I thought she might have a problem with and tried to hide everything I didn't like about myself so that I didn't blow it, or that even when I was sure that she liked me I didn't want to balls it up in case I was wrong, and holding back ballsed everything up, and in the end she's there telling me that she feels the same way I do but she doesn't know how I feel so I went right out and told her how I felt and it made everything so much better, there will be people who understand exactly what I mean when they've never had the same thing happen to them.

It's a weird experience, for someone who's spent a good portion of their life not being especially interested in what other people think, to now be very interested in what a specific person thinks about you. For one thing, I'm pretty bad at it - I've had a family that's either sanded off or comes to accept my idiosynchrasies and forget everyone else. But in all honesty, now I see what they meant by how it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. I never did. It's better to have the highs and lows, because the lows heal, than to never risk it at all and never see the high.

I don't know if it'll last, or how long. But I'll have it, if only on loan, and that's a wonderful thing.

It occurs to me that I haven't said anything about computer games or webcomics yet on this blog. This seems like something to correct.


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